What’s your inner dialogue when it comes to sex? Let’s say you’re feeling particularly frisky one evening, and you go into your room to get ready for bed. Your partner has beat you to the punch and is already there, lying in the bed with the covers pulled up. What are your thoughts?
“He sure doesn’t seem to be in the mood. Look, he’s already half asleep. I guess I just don’t turn him on anymore.”
“Oh my god, now I’ve got to get undressed. I really wanted to get undressed and positioned just right before he came to bed. I hope he IS half asleep so he doesn’t see my fat ass before I get under the covers.”
“Do I have to initiate sex AGAIN? He never makes the first move.”
We’ve all had negative thoughts like this (and worse), and we know exactly where they lead. It’s either no sex tonight, or boring, distracted, “let-get-it-over-with” sex that leaves both of you feeling short changed.
If you’ve delved at all into the self help arena, then you most likely already know about the power of words. Have you ever really thought about the impact of the words you say to yourself? Our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between words said aloud and those spoken internally. So imagine the effect that negative self talk has on your sex life.
While you’re lying there with an endless inner dialogue going on in your head, do you think there’s even a chance you’re going to enjoy a pleasurable sexual experience?
Two psychologists from the University of Washington conducted a survey that determined that when women took on a positive sexual identity (accomplished through the use of positive affirmation audios), they felt more sexually aroused while watching erotic films than when they identified with a negative identity.
Bottom line: If you catch yourself in the negative self-talk cycle, stop. Take that negative thought and turn it into something positive.
Focusing on the arousing and exciting elements of your sex life will ultimately lead to more sensual, pleasurable and satisfying sex with your partner.
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